I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I want a musical about memes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize