Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
