Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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