I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
