I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
