Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
