Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So squirting runs in the family.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
