just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
