like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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