New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
