i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
