I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
