How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
