I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
