just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
