i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
