I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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