I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She announced her abortion via fbk
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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