I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
