i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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