it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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