I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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