i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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