i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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