i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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