he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
