no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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