btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
