Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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