bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
