I think my fart just growled at me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
