She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
