She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
