you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
