Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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