Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
