Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
