No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize