After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
