I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
