you would pick up someone in the library
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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