she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
