My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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