she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
