This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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