just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
