she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
