Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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