we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
