this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
