You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
