The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
