It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
