Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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