My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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