I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
