I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
