Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
