i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
