He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
