too bad you live with your parents still
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
