oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
