I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
